bread episode 1

Cooking is a trial and error process. It requires skills, good ingredients, supportive equipments, and passion to make your food alive. Ahahaha.. i was talking like i'm a pro chef or something, the fact that i only cook for the whole family - and friends sometime.

And this is my 'trial and error product'


I called it white skin bread with chocolate and vanilla filing. It has a soft texture, crispy vanilla skin, with creamy vanilla and rocky choco-chips inside. I have to admit, still a long way to go to get a perfect sizing and proper baking, but the taste is good!

learn and learn

Alhamdulillah, this ramadhan brings me so many lesson and blessing in life. I was listening to my husband who told me about what he heard at the mosque earlier. Simply he said that the best job and career is when it makes you closer to Allah. I remember at the time when i was still working at the office, i kept my prayers in 'injury time' especially for Ashar calls, i ussually did it at 5pm, not in mushalla or mosque but in an empty meeting room or in my boss's office (actually my office has 3 mushalla at the 20th, 19th, and 16th fl but still..), and i did it really fast to catch-up another deadline that i have to fulfill. Astagfirullah.. I was an idiot, why would i have to put 'world stuffs' at the first place and ignoring what Allah told us to do? it was simple, for the monthly salary (what a shame..), or another overtime addition, or great performance, and becoming a high achiever. However, i was working very hard.. too hard.. and with that attitude, i didn't get anything, in fact, i believe i told you earlier about how my mid-performance was terrible. I think i get it now.

This is the Hadist i actually heard long before i listened to what my husband said - and i think i was only listening without understanding the meaning at the time.. shame.

Barangsiapa memperbaiki hubungannya dengan Allah maka Allah akan menyempurnakan hubungannya dengan manusia. Barangsiapa memperbaiki apa yang dirahasiakannya maka Allah akan memperbaiki apa yang dilahirkannya (terang-terangan). (HR. Al Hakim)


Oh another thing, on my last post, i thought that i haven't told you about the privilege of being a housewife, which i actually did. I said i am happier.
There must be plenty of reasons why people get happier than ever. One of the reason that i am happier now that my husband is guiding me -and keeping- me in the right path, that way i will always close to Allah. My husband always share what he got from the mosque. I love it. It helps me understand stuffs in the right point of view.

There a lot more thing that i have to consider as privilege, but sometime i just need a time to understand it because this is something new, marriage life has always been something new in everyday. Still don't get it?

Well, here an example. It was the first day i came up to the office after miscarriage bed rest, and my boss called me to get to her office. She was asking me about my feeling, and my answer was : "i am fine but i was really upset."
I was physically recovered but i felt upset. When i got married i knew i will be a mother - one day - but who knew that i will get pregnant so fast after three months of marriage? I knew nothing about being pregnant or even bigger to have a baby. So i started to learn, i read books about pregnancy, i drink and eat nothing but healthy food, i don't drive and took cab everyday to reach the office, and i kept eating those pills, hormones and vitamins the doctor told me. I was shaping myself to be ready for motherhood. Then i got a miscarriage. I was really sad and upset cos i've been preparing everything i can to be a mother. That was a big lesson.

It also happen in marriage life, everyday is a new lesson, you never experience what will happen tomorrow, so it is understandable if sometime we feel upset, we feel not right, or feel discomfort. We never been there, we never done that. It can be fun, sparkle, or maybe awkward and hurtful. BUT. Trust me all the thing happens in your day-by-day marriage life is simply to train you, to get you prepared for something bigger. My un-expert suggestion is: never ever jump to a conclusion in a situation at home. Often, when you explore more, listen carefully, improving your willing to understand, and keep trying to be a better person and a better wife, you will find more privileges than what you can imagine.

So, i hope you understand why i was answering 'i have no idea'
I must be less-exploring the situation, jumping fast to the conclusion without trying understand more, or i was not listening, i just hadn't seen it yet at the time.

I hope this will be a good share for you all.

so the answer is

people keep asking me what is the privilege of being a housewife? why do i get married so young - although i never think that i was too young to get married, i was 24 when i got married, but anyway..
Other question keep coming through my ears are
- can you go hang out with your friends after married?
- is your husband giving you 'monthly salary' for the house-stuff?
- do you cook everyday?
- is that true that you always ask your husband before doing this or that?

First of all, i don't answer all of the following questions (not all of them) directly. I however, still have the privilege as a human to answer or not to answer those when it's not necessary. Sometime i just have t think before i talk (or write down) what would be the answer. It's not that i'm trying to make it up or telling a diplomatic answer, it's just that as a housewife those question would have so many different answers in many circumstances.

Second of all. Ok then i will try to answer those question here. AND. These answer might be change one day, don't ask me why, i just quite sure that some 'adjustment' and 'modification' and 'new-approach' of marriage life always happens.

What is the privilege of being a housewife?
My answer: Believe me, i have no idea. This is maybe the worst answer for the worst question ever. But honestly i have no idea what is the privilege.
The worst metaphor is probably like this scene:
This is my second year of marriage and i still don't have enough 'point rewards' to be redeemed to any kind of privilege. You know it's like you have a frequent flyer membership in an airplane company. when your membership is still new and you don't have enough point to be redeemed then you will still have to go on more traveling, more miles to get more points to get those privilege.

I know it's not a good metaphor. Some frequent flyer memberships do provide you with free lounge at the airport or get some discounts when you shop at duty-free shops. Well, i'll write and modify my answer when i get a better metaphor for this one. I think i do have one privilege that is confirmed: i am happier. That should be enough for a member with a low points like me uh?


Why do i get married so young?
My answer: AGAIN, my age was 24 when i got married, and it's not too young for an Indonesian girl. Believe me, some of girls in this country even getting marry on the age of 12. So, ask them not me.

Can i go hang out with friends after married?
I don't hang out very often. I'm not dying without friends around. To me, true friend are always there, and it's not that you always have a tight schedule to go on a movie, coffee, or lunch with friends all the time. This might sound crazy, but i adore the feeling of missing them, i fancy a quality time when we meet again and talking for hours about how are we going. For example, a month ago i met Afny. She was my classmate at university and we were live in the same dorm. Last time i saw her was on her wedding day, means last year. And when i met her again, it was awesome, so many stuffs we discuss and share, and i kinda like it.

Well, i still have more questions to answer, but not tonight.
Housewife gotta wake up early in the morning right? ahaha..

baby list of needs

I'm browsing for some stuffs i will need after giving birth. OMG!! Please do not jugde... Oh please.. Do i look like a freakin' out mom-to-be? This is my 4th months and i'm starting to think about this and that, let's just hope that this is a normal behavior for a first time mom-to-be.

I just made this check list of stuffs during pregnancy until delivery time, so on brief list, i will need this much...

- maternity clothes (dress, pants, shirts, panty) at lest 3-6 pcs
- extra size bra
- an anti-stretchmarks cream for my stomach
- a foot massage or reflexology once a week..
- a baby box
- baby pillow and bed cover
- baby bed
- baby bath tube
- towels (large, medium, and small sizes)
- baby soap, baby shampoo, baby oil, baby lotion, baby cream, cajuputi, telon oil
- baby powder and the case
- diapers
- baby scissor
- sterilized cotton buds and cotton balls
- baby wet tissue
- breast pad,
- maternity pads
- breast pump
- sarung
- perlak
- some new-born baby clothes
- a stroller
- baby gloves
- baby socks
- some new-born baby trousers and pants
- a baby bag
- a baby carrier
- milk bottles

oMG, that quite crazy list isn't it?
My husband absolutely gotta see this :)

happy ramadhan!

It's fasting time!

I always love ramadhan. Not only that the month is full of bless, i also always enjoy the taraweh, the holy quran reading in the mosque, and all the stuffs related to this month. They make me feel happy and bring me peaceful inside.

During my pregnancy i also try to keep on fasting. My doctor said OK as long as i don't feel dizzy or any cramping in my stomach. So, today is my 8th days, and i already break 3 days. As long as you feel healthy enough to keep the fasting, just go on. When you feel something weird is going on in your body, you can stop and break it.

Well, have a great Ramadhan this year!

Not-so-ordinary day

Still with that another pregnancy day, like today i was vomiting -again- right after i called my cousin at her house, as i put down the telephone handle i kept my mouth shut while my feet in a rush reaching the bathroom. And what i just haven't figured out why is that i keep having this red dots on my face, neck, and down thru my chest each time i vomit. It's scary. I'm going to meet my doctor this Tuesday, i will keep a note to ask him about this.

Despite of my unstoppable vomiting syndrome - and the annoying red dots - good news is that my cousin is -probably- pregnant. She said it was positive but she hasn't met any doctors until now. I suggest her my doctor, my doctor is just that good.
Nevertheless, congratulations!!!

Well, there's nothing ordinary about days on pregnancy. I was creating blog 'cos i like to share something ordinary in my daily life, that's why it named 'andina hari ini' -oh yes my husband was also a producer of Metro Hari Ini, but this blog was not just simply inspired from that one. But since i am pregnant, welcome to the not-so-ordinary days! However, i'm still listening to one of my favorite song from Vanessa Carlton. I love the lyrics. Enjoy your ordinary day!


"Ordinary Day"

Just a day,
Just an ordinary day.
Just trying to get by.
Just a boy,
Just an ordinary boy.
But he was looking to the sky.
And as he asked if I would come along
I started to realize
That everyday he finds
Just what he's looking for,
Like a shooting star he shines.

He said take my hand,
Live while you can
Don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand

And as he spoke, he spoke ordinary words
Although they did not feel
For I felt what I had not felt before
And you'd swear those words could heal.
And as I looked up into those eyes
His vision borrows mine.
And I know he's no stranger,
For I feel I've held him for all of time.

And he said take my hand,
Live while you can
Don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand
In the palm of your hand.

Please come with me,
See what I see.
Touch the stars for time will not flee.
Time will not flee.
Can you see?

Just a dream, just an ordinary dream.
As I wake in bed
And the boy, that ordinary boy
Or was it all in my head?
Did he asked if I would come along
It all seemed so real.
But as I looked to the door,
I saw that boy standing there with a deal.

And he said take my hand,
Live while you can,
Don't you see all your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand
In the palm of your hand,
In the palm of your hand.

Just a day, just an ordinary day
Just trying to get by.
Just a boy,
Just an ordinary boy.
But he was looking to the sky.

Not a Farewell

Yes that's right. Yesterday was my last day. I thought it's gonna be easy, i was wrong, with plenty numbers of friends, great stories, funny and thrilling experiences, it was never been easy..

So, yesterday actually the new bos was coming from Russia, his initial name BRH (i made it). Remember when i'm telling you on how do i get here? that i was introduced by a director to another director in HMS on the job fair? Yep, he's going to be her replacement. My previous bos is going to Lausanne very soon. I talked to her in a very short occasion, she said when she found me i was just a young girl, she took me here and now i'm a young woman. I can not say much about her, not here, one blog will never enough to tell you about her. She was to interesting, too smart, too scary, too beautiful, and way too good to be a great leader. No wonder she's the bos uh?

So the new bos BRH, he's actually quite much like Irek (remember my nicest bos?), he's also a very nice guy, haha how do i can tell? i was only met him for few hours. But he joined us eating ice cream, he asked me how long i've been working here and why am i resigning. (Oh yeah, sorry i forgot to tell you that i bougt around 50 cups of ice cream and thin pizzas on my last day) Actually, all the people on the floor was getting involved in a fun talk with me, him, and Irek.

BRH asking me if this is my first child, and he said that children are wonderful. I knew it, that's why i'm resigning because a child worth than anything.

Funniest part was when Irek told me that tomorrow (it means today) I can wake up late, watching DVD and bal..bla.. and i said 'are you trying to say unemployment?'
Hahaha! it was funny, he said that looking after the children and becoming a housewife is not unemployment (i wish to believe that hahaha). So i manage myself and appointed my self as Manageing Director of Family Corporation starting from today :) Anyway it was a great opportunity for me (again) to met such a leader like BRH, he thank me for the ice cream and saying a good luck. Thank you Sir!

The hardest part was to send the blast e-mail to the peers and supervisors, i was even crying reading my own e-mail... My throat even felt so hard when i received some reply. one e-mail was coming from Ibu Lucia Nany, she was also my bos, she is the nicest among the female bos. She never get angry not even once, she always give me guidance and great advices, she was also telling me her career journey and i was learned so much from her. At the moment i sent her farewell letter she was on a meeting in Surabaya. It was an unfortunate moment not to say the last word directly to her.. Her email telling me how sorry that she can not joining me here, and she also give me some advice and told me to stay in touch. Thank you Ibu, you're such a generous person! All people in HR loves you.

Another bos, Ibu Ellen set up a farewell dinner after office hour. We went downstair to Le Seminyak and share the last moments there. I told you that to send the e-mail was hard, to meet them on the farewell dinner was even harder!! I cried harder.

This girl, Mba Shaty, she is a unique person, i can not say that she was a nice girl. Well she can be very nice one time and can be very lousy in another time, the funny fact that i completely understand why. She was working so hard, and she was the first friend i had in HMS. We've been thru a lot and even until the last day, my cubicle was just next to her, so it wasn't easy to say something to her. Too many words, so little time. I hope she will always be happy, tough, and becoming a stronger person.


Mba Bill thanks for the books you gave me and for bringing the cheers-up in everyday (she is probably the only person that always have a positive mind set and always happy all the time that i ever know). Mba Janice i'm gonna miss your fashion advices, and the red Braun Buffel was awesome thank you!! Nita, i'm waiting for your baby born, and thanks for the GUESS darling! Adit, you have to find another Makmum.. Marsel, still hates me? hehe, i'm gonna miss u a lot, don't go for lunch alone, and keep the woman napkins under the desk hahaha!! Guys, thanks for the maternity and nursing clothes, i will need them when my stomach is getting bigger and on delivery day! Bu Ellen, thank you for your positive advices, and for the delicious dinner. Thank you all, you guys great!

I'll scan the cards and take some pictures of the gifts (and ask for some pics from the dinner), so i can share you here.

Be good. I hope we can always be a big happy family in any circumstances.

this morning

I awaked on (not sure) 3:30 am this morning, my stomach was hurt and i can't do anything. My husband realized that i was diaturbed and suddenly awaken. He asked we waht i felt and tried to comfort me. He was looking after me until the adzan prayer. He asked me not to come to the office today, but this will be my last three days in the office, some stuffs gotta be settled before i go.

Some people says i'm a lucky girl (like Mocca's song uh?). To have a husband like him, so gentle and full of attention, he's unlike romantic person who's gonna send you flower to the office, or bring you a box of chocolate on valentine's day. Nope, so not him. Well, my husband will bring me chocolate anytime he found my favorite chocolate, it doesn't have to be valentine's day. He never brings me any flowers ever, because he knows i don't like flower arrangements, he would prefer to buy me some plants and letting me arrange my own garden in front of our house 'cos he knows i like it.

I thank Allah for our marriage. I hope Allah will always taking care of us and the family.

there was a time..

Since my last day would be the next few days. Let me tell you how i arrived here. I was previously working at a consulting company, they're creating, running, and implementing IT and management consulting to sume huge company all around the world. As a clue, Tiger Woods was our brand ambassador (before the 'hot' news ofcourse). Some of you may know, some don't, it's understandable since not all the people interesting in IT and Management consulting right? Anyway, no, i am not a consultant, i was working there in enterprise as an HR Support. Actually my job at the time was calculating reimbursement for employee benefits, invoices, medical insurance, and anything related to the allowances, acompesation and benefits, that would be me. The other HR handling recruitment, and accidentaly i have to replace her on campus recruitment due to her sick-leave. So there i was in Binus University with numbers of IT graduate searching for jobs. We had a high standard (seriously high)for graduated students who wan'ts to apply. If you're IT graduated student and your GPA was below 3.5 (out of 4) we're gonna have to skip you. So our booth was rather uhm.. empty. Only 10 to 15 students drop by and asking how they can drop the CV (we don't accept hard copy CV).

It's just like the opposite, the booth next to mine was crowded all the time, the queuing was almost always full and in a long line. student seemed enthusiastic to get their opportunity to drop the CV over there. I can't be more agree, it was obvious since the company was (and still) well known and now it's an affiliate of the biggest tobacco company in the world, well, more reason to get interested in joinning uh?

But at the time i was happily working at my office, people there were fantastic, even until two years after my resignation i still keep in touch. But you know, maybe Allah got another plan for me at the time. One 'bule' from the next booth came to my booth and told me that he was also working for my company about 20 years ago. I said twenty years ago i was still 2 years old, he laugh and started telling me his story. Long chit-chat and eventually he invited me to his booth (the crowded one). Sorry, i forgot, his initial name was KDC (everyone in my office's finance know this initial) and i didn't know that he was the CFO at the time, whoaa!!

So, he introduce me to a lady, later i knew that she was also a director like him. I just didn't know why she directly offer me a job, a permanent one with pension plan, medical that i never had as a contractor, and many other allowances. Oh yeah that fast! the next month i resigned from my lovely office and move here.

I never know that i'm gonna have to resign (again) one day, and only God knew the day is just few days from now. It was not because i don't like it here, i have to admit this company offer me a bright future. But uh, no. I have to set my priority, in fact, working all the time was never be my real dream. As a matter of fact, i hates working overtime and exhausted everytime i got home. I also hates people yelling and panicking while facing some crazy deadlines. Pressure all the time trust me it's sucks. But that's office dude. What do you expect right? anywhere you work, i think it'll be the same ahaha... (not sure about this one actually).

I'm enjoying house-work, being a wife, and later a mother. I do cook, make some cakes, wrapping, gardening, and stuffs. What i really want and i think would be the best for me is probably doing business, but, still dunno when to start, where to begin, but yes i have something (lots of things in fact) in my mind. Let's hope, after pregnancy and delivery i can started something new, something i really enjoy, something that keeping me close to the family, something that i can control and i will not be exhausted anymore. The best part of this scene is my dearest husband always by my side, giving me support and love for the family.

another life scene

It's been a while i don't write anything here.. My body was (and still) experiencing this hormonal-expansion, i keep vomiting and throwing out all of the food i just ate. To be honest, i still don't know what is the exact word to describe this symptoms, but i feel it's getting worse day by day..

My doctor gave me a whole week bed-rest, so i took a whole week day-off from the office. I guess it was the best thing that i can do at the time. I can't work, my head felt like burning when i saw the screen. At lunch, my throat couldn't find it's way to do 'peristaltic' so the food i eat keeps coming out and out and out, and i'm starving.. GOSH.. So this is confirmed, that my resignation is the best thing at least for now.

Resign? Yep. I have to concentrate to my pregnancy. I lost it once and i will not let it happen again. I did tell my bos about this and they understand. Especially Mr. Zyzanski.

Irek (Mr. Zyzanski's nickname), just invited me to have lunch yesterday. It was my first day back in the office after bed rest. We took a Chinese resto downstair at Crystal Jade and ordered some food for two. So he started to ask me about my pregnancy, how is my life going lately, and about my family. He even asked how i met my husband, hahaha.. Well, it was thoughtfull, i mean maybe he's the best supervisor i have ever had. He and his family are such nice people.

I told Irek that i cannot keep working with this condition. Keep vomiting while working is not an option to me. I can't give my support for the office while my body myself also needs support.

We also talk abou what am i going to do to kill the boreness after resigning, how my husband will support the family without me working, about how expensive baby are.. and eventually he said that 'There might be sleepless night, cries, and stuffs. But when you see them -children- everything is paid. They make uhm... complete is the rigt word'

To be honest, I do not worry at all about my resignation, i think what i do is worth than anything. I understand that things will financially crucial after having a baby, i have to admit that baby is expensive, they grow up and need some protection, food, clothes, and education later. But i believe, when Allah gives me this baby it means that Allah has a plan for us, for the baby, for the family. I believe that Allah is there with his plan, and first thing i have to do is to keep what Allah gives to me.

Irek also said that my decission is appreciated. He said that we can not eat Elephant as a whole Elephant, we have to eat it peice by piece, and my first piece is to keep my baby safe and healthy. I agree. You can't live a life and being bitchy and selfish by expecting too much.

My baby now is 9mm height, still tiny :)
it's my tenth weeks and, me and my husband really excited, why do i want to expect more than this?
Thank you Allah..